Just A Duvet (And Pillowcases)

If you want to experience an endless parade of ridiculous and altogether useless innovation, you don’t need to look to the tech sector or the auto industry. No, all you need to do is shop for some new bedding.

You’d think that after scientists discovered the fitted sheet, bed executives would pop some bubbly and be like, “Welp, that’s it! We did it! Now, let’s ride this baby to billions, folks!” But instead, they just can’t leave well enough alone. Every year or so, they’re putting some new thing on the market and expecting you to shit your pants with excitement.

Remember those old infomercials for memory foam? The way they talked about that stuff, it was like they were selling a flying car. “Behold, the lady, do you see her? Do you observe her in flight? Leaping and landing, leaping and landing, up and down, over and over again on the mattress? ‘But how?’ you cry, rubbing your eyes, sure of their deception. For there, upon the other end of the bed, a glass of red wine remains, via some alchemy, upright! Mayhaps, you think, this is some diabolical trick of editing. But there is no such thing!”

And not once did they mention one very important point, which is that memory foam is the most uncomfortable surface you’ll ever lay your body upon.

From there, it was some madness about thread count, some bullshit about bamboo, some fucking pillow that’s “ventilated for continual coolness” or whatever. And now, it’s this: microfiber.

And don’t get us wrong, there’s nothing wrong with any of this stuff (except the aforementioned space junk that is memory foam). But also, there’s nothing particularly right about it it either. It’s all just, you know, bedding. And this stuff, despite being made from the world’s trendiest fabric, is the same.

We’re sure it’s soft. We’re sure it’s plenty comfortable. And it might even be, as the copy claims, “designed for long-lasting durability and resilience, ensuring years of use without pilling or fading.” But, at the end of the day, it’s a 3-piece duvet set (a duvet cover and two pillowcases). And that’s it.

And we’re selling it for less than half what Amazon did. Which, if you ask us, is the real innovation here.